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Comedic Monologues for Men
“I think lunchtime is about the worst time of day for me.” – Charlie Brown from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’
“I think lunchtime is about the worst time of day for me. Always having to sit here alone. Of course, sometimes, mornings aren’t so pleasant either. Waking up and wondering if anyone would really miss me if I never got out of bed. Then there’s the night, too. Lying there and thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done during the day. And all those hours in between when I do all those stupid things. Well, lunchtime is among the worst times of the day for me”….(view more here)
“Ode to Donny”- Walter played by John Goodman – ‘The Big Lebowski’
‘Donny was a good bowler and a good man. He was…he was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors, and bowling, and as a surfer, he explored the beaches of southern California from La Jolla to Leo Carillo, and up to Pismo. He died.. he died as so many young men of his generation before his time, and in your wisdom, Lord, you took him…(view more here)
Comedic Monologues for Women
“So, the day after I turned 18…” – Val Clarke from ‘A Chorus Line’
“So, the day after I turned 18, I kissed the folks goodbye, got on a Trailways bus – and headed for the big bad apple. Cause I wanted to be a Rockette. Oh, yeah, let’s get one thing straight. See, I never heard about “The Red Shoes,” I never saw “The Red Shoes,”…(view more here)
“It doesn’t say “R.S.V.P.” on the Statue of Liberty”- Cher from ‘Clueless’
So, O.K., like the Haitians need to come to America but some people are all, “What about the sprain on our resources?” And it’s like, when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday and it’s all catered, you know, I said “R.S.V.P.” because it’s a sit-down dinner. O.K.? People come that like, didn’t R.S.V.P.! And I’m buggin’…(view more here)
Comedic Monologues for Teens
“Is chivalry dead?”- Olive from ‘Easy A’
Is chivalry dead? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I want to ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. And I want Judd Nelson walking across the school parking lot thrusting his hand into the air ’cause he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like a John Hughes movie…(view more here)
“This trip changed me, Brennan”- Eric from ‘Adventureland’
This trip changed me, Brennan. It was revelatory. There I was, going from one incredible city to the next . . . the ruins, the cathedrals, the endless processions of art treasures. . . And I realized something…(view more here)
Comedic Monologues for Kids
“Don’t you realize what’s happening?!?” – Annie from ‘The Parent Trap’
Will you stop thinking about your stomach at a time like this! Don’t you realize what’s happening?!? Don’t you find it peculiar that we both look so much alike and have the same birthday and…(view more here)
“How to Make Friends with a Snail” – WILLIAM
If you find yourself on the street, without a friend in sight. Look for a silver trail, shimmering in the light. It’s a tell tail sign of a slimy friend to be. Snails make the best of friends. Trust me…(view more here)
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